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I'm willing to let it all fade away.
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2005.04.27 20.02
okay well i think i might start writing in this one b/c no one reads it so if you are reading it dont tell me b/c id like to think your not.
heres whats going on today/what i feel today
*sad b/c im going to miss alex sooooooooo much. i cant even explain how much.
*Dave likes me. i wish i liked him. he thinks b/c i leaned on him on the bus ride home that i like him, or MAYBE im just tired???? i dont wanna sound like a bitch but im tired of hurting good sweet people but this again is just setting up another heart break for him and i dont wanna do that...again.
*stupid mike is still on my mind. i know pathetic. i hate him. im too good for him but still...yeah.
*kiefer...do i even want to get into that right now? might as well. hes sweet, and he likes to tease me. And i like i. sadly. but the thing with him is he likes the chase but doesnt know what to do with the catch.
*eh well ****** thats a hard thing to talk about. no one really knows. i dont like talking about it. hes so differnt from me it woul dnever work. whatever.
well, if this name is still on peoples buddy list, im really screwd.
Mood:  confused
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2005.03.20 10.29
well.
i have to update now, just because. lol. I love you all and i will mention something for the last time before the time comes to mention it again, I will miss harley so much. soooo hottt! Want to touch the hiney! Yeah. i want a boyfriend so bad, but im not really interested in anyone right now. well of coures i am, but its really just physical, theres no mental connection. Eh what can you do? i have 2 great best friends, and a whole lot of really close friends. im content. AHHHG though! stupid NAME keeps coming in the picture! i hate him!!! Why was he born? why was i all over NAME at NAMES party # years ago!? If i wasnt all over NAME at the party then NAME woudnt have come into the picture! gahh! im such a whore! lol. no but still I really wish NAME wasnt still in the picture. but i love my friends and im glad i have my friends. Thats the main message of this entry.
~~~~I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANKS~~~~
XOXO,
Dina Lily <3
Mood:  content
Music: black stacey saul williams
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2005.02.19 20.21
And this is Beth Hines. i love having 2 personalities!
Mood: cheerful
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2005.02.19 20.19
Okay so this is dina lily!
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2005.02.19 19.38
Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake |
You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many.
The minute you meet anyone, you can make the crave you almost immediately.
You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss.
A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract. |
WEll DUH!!!!!
Mood: saductive
Music: light my fire
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2005.02.19 12.27
well,
i went to the eye doctor. just as i suspected, i need glasses for far away stuff. They didnt have any glasses i liked. so i just picked these brownish ones. eh, theyll do. i dont really care that much. Im going to see my sister sing tomorrow. i guess thats about it for now.
love,
Dina Lily
Mood: content
Music: robot - tatu
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2005.02.17 17.20
i havent updated in sooooo long. i just want you all to know that i love you dearly! and im tired lately. so if i bitch you out im very sorry. I love alex so much. im just going to ball so hard when she has to leave next year but i dont want to think about that now. anyways. i just hate him. why do i still have these feelings for him. i havent talked to him in over a year. wtf?!? this just sucks. his eyes are so blue, his hair so blonde! ahg! so hott! anways. yeah. heres a list of really hot people:
-alex
-justine
-ben
-"name"
-me (of course)
well i babysit today, its gunna suck. but im getting paid so o well. the one act play is on wednesday. if you are reading this and you are not in the play than you should go, or ill hate you forever. if you go.. ill be happy! hahaha. anyways yeah.
i think my friend likes me. hes nice, but i definatly dont like him that way. i feel bad though, b/c hes nice. but i dont wanna be mean, but its not happening.
Mood: crazy
Music: black stacy -saul williams
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2005.01.23 11.52
hmmm.
well theres not really much to say right now. im in a little better mood. i know my friends are there for me...well most of them. and you know who you are but ill say your names. alex. joey. justine. christine. anyways. i guess thats it for now. im going over justines today. that will be fun. later.
Mood:  okay
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2005.01.20 20.17
Alone
by: Edgar Allen Poe
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then - in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
Mood:  lonely
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2005.01.20 20.01
hmmm.
well i had drama to day, that was fun. Unexpected, but fun. Im kinda lonely lately. i mean every one has a crush or boyfriend/girlfriend. I dont, and its boring, i need someone. i could easily jus leave.everything..whatever.
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2005.01.18 17.19
umm....well not much is going on right now. im going to the talent show tonight to support my sister. because i love her. i will miss her alot when she leaves for college.many of my friends are drifting away from me. but when a door closes a window opens. me and alex are getting close. she sooo silly willy. haha. anyways. id like to know what happened to christine...not from some damn redneck idiot who pulled it out of their ass what happened to her. but, i dunno what ever. ill write more later!~~~~dina lily
Mood: high
Music: apple blossom ~the white stripes
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2005.01.02 12.12
oh and i forgot to add a resolution: dont get crushes on guys that wear ugly suits and scream out orders!
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2005.01.02 12.10
okay..so i marry presi..fair enough, caties my flower girl, alright. alex is the best man..thats..strange...hahahahahahahaah...joeys the bridesmaid..hahahahahaha.i havew a fling with robbie,,,not gunna happen. lol. ethan is the registrar..hes buddist..haha and alia wasnt to secrectly marry me. hey that is not a seceret. well.. okay then.
Mood: amused
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2005.01.02 11.56
well..i guess its that time of year again; yes time to make resolutions that i know i will never keep. but i make them anyways.. okay here we go:
1. be nicer to stupid, ugly, annoying people. (they have feelings too, even though their stupid.)
2.go out and have more fun (self explanitory)
3. be a better friend to only the people that deserve it (but still refer back to #1.)
4.Forget about people who have hurt me inthe past, and just keep them out of my life.(i dont need that crap)
i think you guys should post your resolutions also, so if you need help keeping them, then your friends can help you.
Mood: content
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2004.12.29 12.15
oh and to add to my wonderful birthday, i recieved a late present from my grandma. i got towels...regular..old...towels.
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2004.12.28 10.26
sorry if this offends anyone, but i think its really funny, and it made me laugh for 2 minutes on my horrid birthday:
I heard there is no Christmas,
In the silly Middle East..
No Trees, no Snow, no Santa Claus,
They have Different Religious beliefs..
They Believe in Muhammad,
And not in our Holiday..
And so every December,
I go to the Middle East and say..
Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry Fucking Christmas
Put down that book 'The Koran'
and hear some holiday wishes
Incase you haven't noticed,
it's Jesus's Birthday
So get off you heathen Muslim Ass
And fucking celebrate.
There is no holiday season in india,
i've heard..
They don't hang up their stockings,
and that is just absurd..
They've never read a Christmas Story,
They Don't know what Rudolph is about..
And that's why in December,
I'll go to india and shout..
Hey there Mr Hinduist, Merry Fucking Christmas
Dring some 'nog, and eat some Beef
and pass it to the Missus
Incase you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen hindu ass,
And fucking celebrate.
Now I heard that in Japan,
Everyone just lives in sin..
They pray to several gods,
And put needles in their skin..
On December twenty-fifth,
all they do is eat a cake..
and that is why i'll go to Japan,
and walk around and say..
Hey there Mr Shintoist, Merry Fucking Christmas
God is gonna kick your ass You infidelic pagan scum.
Incase you haven't noticed,
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
and Merry Fucking Christmas to you.
On Christmas Day, I travel round the world and say..
Taoists, Korishnas, Buddists
and all you atheists too..
Merry Fucking Christmas to you.
Thank you, Mr Hat..
Mood: amused
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2004.12.28 10.17
well,
i had the worst birthday ever. i didnt even get a cake from my mom. when i got home no one really said happy birthday, it was kinda just like yeah...its your b-day, big efing deal. but i got this nasty chocolate cake, it tasted stale. and there was strawberrry and rocky road ice cream, i dont mind them but i dont think they were chosen with me in mind. then all mary got me were the same pair of pants i got for christmas. the same exact pair and one in black. wtf. wow i feel special. fockers.
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2004.12.23 18.02
Yo!
whats happenin hot shtuff? lol. can you tell im in a pretty good mood? lol. well i am! today was great! i cant tell you everything that happed b/c i dont want certain people to know. but anyways we had a little show today. it fels great on stage, i love it so much. the thing i love more is the attention i get after the show from all of the people saying how great i did. im such an attention whore. well not too much of one. i skipped mrs.zs class today, no bigdeal. but omg, immm soooooo horney too!!! lol. its just a really great day, i just wish i had somewhere to go tonight, i mean its friday night and im just sitting here on my computer. o well still in a good mood!!!! lol.
love,
Dina Lily
Mood: happy
Music: ren and stimpy ~~~happy happy song!
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2004.12.21 17.29
they cycle continues
man.
seriously. mary is driving my crazy. i dont know what her problem is. i do all kinds of things for her, watch her kids, clean her house, and clean her kids. do i ask her to pay me for these things? of course not. do i mind doing them, not really. but the thing is she treats me like Sh**. she makes me feel like Sh**. im not good at school. im really smart i know this, but school just isnt my thing. i dont think she understands that if she doesnt let me do drama, then there goes my future. that is what i want to do when i grow up and thats what im going to do. i dont know if she gets pleasure from making me feel like sh** or what, but if i didnt have the friends i have now, i would have killed myself along time ago, just because of her. i wish for once, my parents wouldnt yell and scream and ground me b/c of my grades. just let me fix it myself. b/c when they yell and scream and tell me im stupid it makes me feel so bad, i just kinda give up for a while on everything, school, life, love, friends. but then my friends cheer me up and i start trying again, and they some how like they always do make me feel like sh** again. and the cycle continues.
Mood:  frustrated
Music: understood~~pink
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2004.12.08 08.27
alright.
not much going on. i got an idea from reading alias journal. i will only give presents to people who are my friends. and maybe some other people i dont want to be friends with. ill just shoot it at them maybe theyll get the point i dont like them. even if they already notice that i dont, b/c we used to be friends, but not anymore. i just stopped liking them. or maybe i can be really rude behind theyre backs and nice and buddy buddy to their face, but no one will tell them im being a bitch behind their back b/c they wouldnt want to hurt the kind person who wants to be my friend.
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2004.12.04 14.34
no matter how much i dislike greenday right now, i still like this song.
I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone
Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away!
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2004.12.03 17.32
rip me apart please!!!
eh.
i dunno. everything is just...eh. im not depressed, just kind of bored with my life right now. i believe me and a friend are drifting, i dunno. i guess he/she is just getting new friends, better friends. i even see him/her drifting from other people too. i would be worried but he/she seems happy. so im not worried. i wish i liked someone. id hate to say it, i thought i never would say it, but i want someone to have intrest in, who has intrest in me or even if they dont have interest in me. i usually get all freaked out from the stress of "high school love". but im so bored with right now, i hope for something right now to occupy me; a love intrest, disease, my own death. ANYTHING!!!! im soooooooooo bored. some one rip me limb from limb or something at least i will be entertained for the last 30 minutes of my life while im screaming and bleeding to death!
kill me kill me kill me kill me please
im bored im bored please killl me!
kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me please!
im so bored please kill me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee e e e!!!
Mood: bored
Music: kill me please ( a song by me)
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2004.11.29 17.27
i havent written in sooo long. what is there to say? ive been having really awesome dreams when i sleep. but i wake up and its kinda the same stupid ruteen everyday. ive let go of a few grudges. and gotten closer to a few people, i need drama back. if i cant do grease im going to die. i need the people and the atmosphere. yeah. im bored. i guess i could use a boyfriend. but i dont really like anyone right now. so whats the point? exactly. well i guess thats it.
your sex godess forever, dina lily
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2004.11.17 16.58
i hate it when you do that.
well. okay i havent been writing lately. b/c im grounded and not supposed to be on here. i feel emo lately. like people dont really care about me.i hate it when people ask me if im okay. i had to talk to mrs.day today in english, just like everyone else. i seemed kinda bummed today i guess, and she asked if i was okay.i wanted to cry. im not sure why i wanted to do that. but i told her i was stressed from all of the work. whatever. just a stupid phase i go through about once a month. just about every guy ive dated killed me inside. well every serious boy friend. mike.kiefer.josh. o well. i dunno, people are just...blah today. maybe its not them. maybe its just me. im gunna go see the king and I and friday. this guy named curits said he might go. ive never met him, but i talk to him all of the time. i really wanna meet him. i know his sister. i was good friends with her in 7th and 8th grade. well whatever. were having grilled cheese for dinner. that sounds okay. later.
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